在翻译过程中,准确传达原文的信息不仅要求语言表达简洁明了,还要注重信息的层次性和逻辑性。以下通过几个实际案例,分析如何在翻译时合理整合信息,避免冗余,并根据语境做出适当的调整。
【原文】
蜿蜒30华里的濠河环抱全城,宛如珠链,被誉为南通城的“翡翠项链”。
【初译】
Reputed as "an emerald necklace" of Nantong, the Hao river encircles the old city of Nantong at a length of 15 kilometers.
分析
初译将“翡翠项链”这一美誉放在句首,使得河流的形态和长度成为了句子的主语,反而弱化了“翡翠项链”这个赞誉的核心地位。英译时应避免过度强调长度等细节,应该突出“翡翠项链”这一美誉,符合原文重点。
【参考译文】
The Hao River that encircles the old city at a length of 15 kilometers is reputed as "an emerald necklace" of Nantong.
这种调整使句子更加符合英语表达习惯,重点突出了“翡翠项链”的赞誉,并避免了将不重要的信息放在句首。
【原文】
某产业生态园规划面积5.08平方公里,聚焦5G、智能驾驶、智能芯片、先进计算等新一代信息技术……
【初译】
Covering a planning area of 5.08 km², the Eco Park has been making focused efforts in 5G network, intelligent driving, smart chips and advanced computing as well as other new-generation IT sectors.
分析
初译将“规划面积”与产业园的研究方向直接连接,容易让读者误以为后文将涉及更多关于园区的细节,比如建筑、占地情况等。然而,原文的重点是介绍园区的产业方向,而非面积。初译的结构让重点模糊了。
【参考译文】
The Eco Park, with a planned area of 5.08 km², has been making focused efforts in 5G network, intelligent driving, smart chips, and advanced computing as well as other new-generation IT sectors.
解决方法
将“规划面积”作为插入语处理,并放在主句之后,这样能避免误导读者,清晰突出产业园的重点内容。
【原文】
多年来,某公司一直将科研创新作为企业做大做强的源动力,以产-研-医相结合为发展路径,系统进行中药配方颗粒的生产工艺、质量标准、临床药效、安全性等研究。
【初译】
For years, the company has been upholding scientific research and innovation as major driving forces for development. Integrating production with medical research and education, it carries out a systematic research on the production, quality criteria, clinical efficacy and safety of TCM formula granules.
分析
初译没有明确表达原文中的逻辑关系,将信息割裂成了两个不相连的句子,忽略了“科研创新”与“产-研-医结合”的联系,造成了翻译的逻辑性不强。
【参考译文】
For years, the company has made scientific research and innovation the major driving forces for its development, and developed a new model that integrates production with research and applications to enable a systematic R&D on the production processes, quality criteria, clinical efficacy, and safety of TCM formula granules.
通过将原文的逻辑串联起来,译文既保持了信息的连贯性,也准确传达了公司科研创新的整体框架。
【原文】
依托独特的区位优势与立体的交通运输网络,某区持续推进区域间要素流动,积极承接港澳深资金、技术、产业、创新要素的溢出,实现与广州在基础设施、产业发展、公共服务等方面的深度对接,主动融入粤港澳大湾区协同发展的新格局。
【初译】
Leveraging the premium geographical location and diversified transportation network, the District has been constantly enhancing the flow of essential industrial factors within the region, taking advantage of the capital, technology, industrial and innovative factors from Hong Kong, Macau and Shenzhen, synchronizing with Guangzhou in aspects such as urban infrastructure, industrial development, and public services, in a bid to fully integrate into the new pattern of synergistic development of the Guangdong-Hong Kong-Macau Greater Bay Area.
分析
初译虽然逐字翻译了原文的每一部分,但句子过于复杂,层次不清,尤其是“区位优势”和“交通运输网络”的内容与后文的产业发展、区域对接部分的衔接不紧密。为了更好地突出关键信息,应该分句并理清逻辑关系。
【参考译文】
Leveraging its advantageous location and advanced transportation network, the District is driving the flow of industrial factors within the region. It actively attracts capital, technology, industries, and innovation from Hong Kong, Macau, and Shenzhen, while synchronizing with Guangzhou in areas such as infrastructure, industrial development, and public services, aiming to integrate deeply into the Guangdong-Hong Kong-Macau Greater Bay Area's collaborative development.
解决方法
通过合理分句,清晰展示不同层次的信息,并突出了关键点,使译文更符合目标语言的表达习惯。
通过这些翻译技巧,能够确保译文准确传达原文的意思,同时使其在目标语言中更具可读性和流畅性。
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